Life is a cruel mistress. She leads us along many different paths, eager to see how we react to the trials and tribulations we encounter along the way. Yet, sometimes she disappears momentarily, leaving us to seemingly repeat each day over and over like a Bill Murray film. The daily grind: working and sleeping in a methodical, lethargic state of mind, seemingly unable to ever rest enough to counter the exhaustion. That’s what I’ve been left with these past few weeks. That’s why I haven’t written a post in so long.
Despite the rather cryptic intro paragraph, life hasn’t been completely dull and meaningless lately, for better or for worse. Starting with the part that everyone always wants updates about: I have received very minimal information about my transition process. It’s to the point where everything is done that can be, here, and the rest is up to my healthcare providers back home. I’m set to meet with them within seven days of returning, as I had specifically requested a session as soon as possible, even if it interferes with my rest & relaxation time. This is extremely important to me, and I can’t wait one minute more. In the meantime, I’ve been really trying to get in the right mindset about what I’ll be doing when I return home and start the transition in earnest. I absolutely plan to tell my parents if I can make it home during my time off, and while I’m pretty nervous about it, something tells me it’s going to turn out just fine. I’m very close with my parents, being an only child, and I think they’re pretty open minded. I’ve tried my best not to disappoint them and to be a child they can be proud of, so here’s hoping this doesn’t damage our relationship. I’d be devastated. I’ve also been reading Laura Jane Grace’s autobiography “Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout” and I’ve been completely immersed in the story. Having literally been through it all and hit rock bottom more than once before coming out as trans, her rebound to become such a headstrong and emotionally bold woman has been profoundly inspiring on so many levels. She’d probably tell you that she’s not a hero or someone to idolize, but we can’t all accept how people see us. I’ve learned that from my time in the military. “Thank you for your service. You’re a hero.” I don’t deserve that at all.
Since I always like to give updates on the entertainment front, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve been playing entirely too much Elite: Dangerous lately. With a little help from a coworker, I managed to grind my way up to acquiring a ship I’ve always lusted after, and it’s a bit of a rare one due to its reputation requirement. I’ve been touring the galaxy in my shiny new Imperial Clipper, exploring system after system in search of the coveted Earth-like planets and exotic black holes and neutron stars. It’s a little slow going, with a ship that’s not really designed for exploration, but I’m having a good time and getting my fill of stunning screenshots. Apart from reading Tranny, my Kindle companion and I have conquered volumes 8 and 9 of Konosuba, a light novel series I’ve been in love with ever since it got an anime adaption some time ago. It’s pretty entertaining when a stay-at-home teen with no life/work skills ends up in a fantasy world and is told to somehow defeat the Demon King. This isn’t Sword Art Online; he doesn’t get cheats. The struggle is real.
So, with this deployment coming to an end here quite soon, I’ve started throwing money at things I’ve been wanting for a while. My latest purchase has been some equipment for a project room I’ve had on the drawing board for a few weeks. I intend to turn my large room upstairs into a home studio/recording studio/VR space. New desk, expensive studio monitors, the 55″ 4K from the living room, a couch, some acoustic treatments, super computer, the works. I apologize if I just made some of you cringe, but I’ve worked very hard for all of this money, and it’s about time I do something cool with it other than going to Japan every year. I really want to start writing music again, and though I don’t ever expect to get anywhere with it, music is still a passion of mine and I’d like to learn more instruments and improve my skills with the current ones I play. The trick to staying sane is forward motion, always trying to do something new and keeping your mind occupied. Idle minds breed emotional insecurity. Heads up, readers.
“Worked all week long now the music is playing on our time.
We do what we do to get by, and then we need a release.” – “Thrash Unreal” by Against Me!